Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
