I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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