Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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