I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
