This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
