I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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