why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
