remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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