my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
