I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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