I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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