Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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