drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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