Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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