what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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