we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
