I love black thongs
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
