You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
