so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
