I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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