I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
