Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
