I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
