So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
