first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
