Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
