I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
