There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
