just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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