I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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