He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
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My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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