i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
