I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
