I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
