remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
