porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
