I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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