I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
