Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
