every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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