She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
