You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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