as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
