you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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