Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
