She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We are all done wearing pants today
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
