my phone needs a breathalizer
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
