My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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