Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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