I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
