I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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