Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Someone signed my nipple.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
