I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My dick has a subreddit
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
