this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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