Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
