Nicole vs. Life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
