i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
even my farts smell like vagina
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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