He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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