i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
