i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
