Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
