I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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