TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My balls are so social today.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
