Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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