i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
its liver damage thursday
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