i think i have herpe
just one?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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