Jerry, you need to find god
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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