I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
