My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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