You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
